Monday, December 1, 2014

A Brand New Me

Let’s start over.

My name is William Redd, and I’m a writer and filmmaker. For the first time ever I actually feel comfortable saying that I’m a writer without wincing. Why?

Because I, for the first time since participating, actually won NaNoWriMo.

What does this mean in the grand scheme of professional writing? Not much, but it’s a start. One reason I never felt comfortable calling myself a writer is because I am sitting on so many unfinished stories and ideas that I just never sit down and actually attempt to write. It’s been a problem for several years, and lately I’ve been feeling like nothing was ever going to come of it.

But, when November hit, I decided to give NaNoWriMo one last shot, just to see if I could actually get my brain into the habit of writing daily and at least trying to reach my daily word goal. This didn’t happen exactly as I expected, but I did manage to reach my 50,000 word goal by November 30th, and the elation was so good I’m now sitting at my desk writing this, a blog entry I started about two months ago and also never finished.

I think I was living under one of those deep-set emotional blocks, athletes call it “the yips.” It’s that thing that you do to yourself that causes you to freak out and think you’re no good, that you’re going to fail, so why try? It’s a weird mental thing that makes you think you’ll screw it up so the rest of your body kind of helps your brain prove it by sabotaging things and making you screw up.

I feel like I didn’t really explain that well, or that I could have just left it at “the yips.” So, I had the yips.

I’ve had the yips for about three years now, but I’m hoping (knock on wood, rub lucky rabbit’s foot, go outside, turn around three times, spit) that the act of actually completing even a very rough draft of a full-length novel will break away whatever block I’ve been dealing with and the words will flow.

I certainly seem to be running fairly rampant in this piece.

So, since this year’s NaNoWriMo has given me what feels a lot like a fresh start, I’ve decided to actually start fresh. This is my first effort, getting back to regular blog writing. Hopefully (again, see ritual sited above), this will be the first of several blog entries for December, with many more following in 2015. I did briefly consider waiting until January and doing the whole “New Year’s Resolutions” bit, but why give New Year’s all the credit? I want to start now, so why wait?

Plus, I know full well that if I do wait for the first of January, I’ll just find a way to talk myself out of it between now and then. I'm really good at convincing myself not to do things.

So I’m back, even though I technically never went anywhere, just stopped writing.

Here’s to new beginnings, a new start.

You’re welcome, World. I am returned. Now, let's kick this pig (that's still a thing right? Am I hip?)

William the Bloody Newly Refurbished Redd


Shyam Madhavan Sarada said...

Here's to the new William! Write on!

William Redd said...

Thanks! I'll definitely try!