From Hell to Breakfast
A tale from the 5 Regular Guys Universe
A tale from the 5 Regular Guys Universe
I swear all I wanted was a couple of eggs... maybe a piece of bacon... or two. I know I shouldn't eat it, and she'd kill me if she ever found out, but when death is around the corner for you at any moment, clean living tends to fly right out the window.
Take my current predicament. I woke up thinking I'd make a quick trip to the diner down the street, have a quick breakfast of bacon, eggs, and some dry white toast and then start a full day of training. But no, I can't have that kind of day. The Powers That Be have a hell of a sense of humor...
Ugh. Poor choice of words. Hell, I mean, not humor. I would assume that's where I am, anyway. That or one of several dimensions that most people consider Hell. At this moment, it's all I've got to go on, and the horde of demons currently trying to rip my throat out doesn't leave much room for doubt. It's either Hell or the Apocalypse. Either way, my morning just got a lot busier.
At least I had the forethought to bring Betsy along. The benefit to having your base of operations in a bad part of town? You constantly keep a weapon on you. I don't remember where I originally came up with the idea for Betsy, back then I didn't even play the banjo. But something told me that carrying a sword inside a musical instrument would work. It has. I can't tell you the number of times I've just walked into a place with Betsy slung over my shoulder and nobody says a word... except the occasional "Do you know the Ballad of Bonnie and Clyde?" Which I do, now. Helps sell the fact that I carry Betsy with me wherever I go.
And she is getting her workout for today. Hacking away at these demons is fairly easy work, but when there are thousands of them it can get a bit tedious. As another one rips by me, I split him nearly in two with Betsy and wonder exactly where this will end. I mean, this might be it. I've been slowly making myself number one on Evil's most wanted list. I've taken out vampire nests, werewolf packs, zombie and demon hordes, even had a fight with some kind of ham demon. That might have been the most disgusting thing ever. After all that, has something finally taken notice and decided to do away with me?
Of course, there's also a chance that whatever sent me here is after the girl. Still not sure what it is about her. She seems to attract the supernatural. With me out of the way, the nasties have a clear shot at her. Not that she's completely defenseless, I've seen to that. We train on a daily basis, and she's a natural warrior. Hell, when I met her she taking on a nest of vampires single-handed. Strong. She says she has no idea where it came from, just that it suddenly appeared when she turned thirteen. There's a legend of a girl with power who is meant to fight evil, but I never believed it.
There are some who do. Both good and bad alike have called her "Slayer" when they see her work. All I know, she is a young girl who can handle herself but lacked discipline. I gave her that. I've taught her almost everything I know. If this is the end, she'll at least be able to go down fighting.
Crap, something's got a hold of my scarf. Don't know why I wear the thing, sells the ace pilot look I seem to have adopted, but it constantly gets in the way. Time to lose the albatross. Betsy once again sets me free to fight. As I turn back to the unending tide of demon, I notice a glimmer of light. That could very well be the source.
Now that I have a destination, I begin to make my way forward. They don't make it easy. The fight starts to get tougher as soon as I step towards the glimmer, that means I'm on to something. Demons are predictable. They give themselves away as soon as you're on the right track. No poker face at all. The more I try to move towards the glimmer, the angrier they get. It definitely has something to do with this.
Another step, and a big one jumps on top of me, knocking me down. His teeth gnash at my face as Betsy presses into his neck. If he keeps this up, he'll decapitate himself. Fine by me. He starts to go for my goggles, which means he is aiming for my eyes. That's definitely enough of that. I get my foot onto his chest and push up with everything I've got. As soon as he clears, I'm back on my feet and on him with Betsy swinging away. She makes short work of the rest of his neck and his head falls with a thud. The body stands for a moment, wavering, then follows the body knees first. A demon never looks penitent unless you take off its head.
Getting closer now, I can almost make out what's causing the glimmer. It looks like... a book? I really hope that's not another Necronomicon. Those things are such a fucking pain in the ass to destroy. I think I've managed one complete destruction in all the years I've been doing this, and that one took about three months to completely get rid of. Almost there.
I'm definitely on to something, they're getting organized. Ten block my way and work in concert to keep me from going any further. I've been using Betsy as she was intended, but now it's time to get creative. I take the rest of her, the makeshift scabbard that is also a working banjo, and slam it into demon skull. There is a comic "twang" as the strings vibrate from the impact. The mighty El Kabong, that's me. But no cape, the scarf is enough trouble.
Almost there now. They seem to be spreading out. Perhaps they've realized the inevitable, but I doubt it. They're planning something. Gotta be on the...
The giant tentacle seemed to come out of nowhere. Before I knew it, whatever owned that massive thing had me by the waist and was crushing the life out of me. It was so suffocating that I couldn't get Betsy angled properly to cut into the thing. My vision was starting to get fuzzy. I finally mustered all my strength and twisted to get the blade just right, slamming it home. The inhuman wail let me know that I hit my mark.
As did the sudden drop that followed. I was only down a moment before I glanced up and saw that the tentacle had dropped me right next to the book. Scrambling for Betsy, I jumped up as fast as I could and made a run for the book. I had Betsy raised high, but I could also feel them all closing around me. Either way, this was it.
Betsy hit true, the whole world went white in a bright flash of light.
Slowly, I opened my eyes. The demons and the hell-world were gone. I was standing in the middle of the greasy spoon that was my original destination. Betsy was hilt-deep in a table, a book open to a rather innocuous looking page. The whole restaurant was staring at me.
The kid at the table just looked upset that I'd speared his book. He looked to be about sixteen or seventeen. There was something in his eye that was a mixture of fear and anger. I think he knew what had just happened. I wonder what his original intent was? Love spell? Revenge? Or, maybe he was so fed up with the pain of existence that he really wanted to end it all and kick-start Armageddon.
I'd never know, because I'd never ask. I don't really care why people do what they do, or even why evil does what it does. All I care about is keeping this rock safe for one more rotation until I can't go on anymore.
But, to do that, I needed eggs. Eggs and bacon. Ooh, and a nice bowl of grits...
This character is one I created as part of the 5 Regular Guys Universe some time ago. Something about this muse struck me as a tale that was right up his alley. He, along with Dilworth, Jersey, and a few other characters appear in the first NaNoWriMo novel that I finished. Finished, but have yet to revise.
William the Bloody Sword-Wielding, Banjo Playing Redd(not really, but that would be awesome)
P.S. VEDA Day 9: